What's Scarier, Holding On or Letting Go?

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Ok, so here we are. My job ended early. I am officially a full time business owner. I just celebrated a year of marriage with my husband two weeks ago in Washington DC. My birthday was on Monday, September 9th. Oh, and I AM FREAKING OUT!

Washington DC Brunch
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Now, don’t get me wrong, everything is exactly the way it should be, and it is incredibly exciting, however, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I mean, can you blame me? Maybe, with such little context given above, and that’s fair if you do. Let’s just dive a bit deeper.

Life is changing, a lot! To the point that I am now realizing that no matter how hard I try to control things, I am getting in the way of myself and my own opportunities. So, what have I done? If your guess was that I’ve taken a few steps back from the need to have control, then you certainly guessed it, and that’s the scariest part. No matter how much I want to make something happen, and work out for myself and my family, I CANNOT CONTROL IT! What is for me, will be for me, and what is not, well, it’s not and it will lead me to the path I need to follow. Have you ever thought about what that looks like for you? The path. Your path. Have you pondered and made plans, ultimately leading you to where you want to be in life? If you have, have you thought about where you’ll be after that? What about after that? Yes? No? Maybe you’re like me and you haven’t thought of what your path is at all, leaving you with the feeling of being lost and either hopeful or helpless. Regardless of the amount of thought put into where you want to be or what you want to do next, we are all in the same boat, because no one has control over their destiny. We may feel as though we do, and the moment that we lose an ounce of the control, we FREAK internally! Mainly, because we did not plan for the unexpected, and that’s worthy of the feelings that come about from unplanned events. The point of it all, is that once we decide to let go of the control, we create space in our lives, allowing us to take on our life journey without the need to manage everything and hold on tightly, because we TRUST. Trust ourselves, our support system and our willingness to follow the path chosen for us.

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Now, if you’re feeling lost and you’re reading this, I see you!! I’ve felt that as well, to my core. Sometimes I think I had a midlife crisis at the age of 21 because I felt so. freaking. lost. with very little direction and (what felt like) little to no support. For me, it took a lot of unlearning, and for you, it may do the same. Being lost is scary, and it can also be such an amazing journey if you let go of the control of needing to be somewhere in life or doing something specific, which may cause more feelings pulling you away from YOUR light. It’s a cycle. The question is, how do we break this cycle? This cycle of feeling like we need to know it all and have it all together. I think the answer is to get lost. So lost in the unknown that you have to redevelop your entire sense of being to rediscover who you are by questioning your every thought, move, decision, plan, relationships, jobs, family, everything! Question all of it, which is a #majorkey to building the trust you will need when it comes time to letting go of control.

The funny thing about control, is that we can control it. We make the decision to let go a little or to hold on for dear life, and what I am learning, is that holding on for dear life is only going to get us so far. Choosing the “safe” option or the options we’re most comfortable with generally because it’s what we know best and has gotten us to where we are today can eventually leave us stuck, unhappy and dissatisfied.We always have the decision to explore and grow or stay and coast, and when we coast, the questions of what if comes to mind, and the wonders of what life could’ve been like remain, because over the years, you fell into a cycle and got stuck. Maybe once that happened, there was too much fear and commitment to where you were, which is how the cycle continues. So let’s break it! Let’s get lost! Let’s explore ourselves and relearn our deepest desires! Let’s break free of the control so we can continue to grow in alignment with who we are meant to be, not who we want to be, because there is a difference. Who we want to be is generally an unrealistic expectation of a person we create in our heads, leaving us with a lot of self doubt. Who we are meant to be, is the person we have to explore and learn. It’s our true self. The self within us that we feel others won’t accept. The moment we accept that self, embrace that self and share that self with the world, our need to control will lessen because we are finally learning who we are, which brings a level of confidence and relief to finally stand in our power and be the person we know we are.

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So, as I go through this process and continue this life long journey of embracing myself, standing in my power, and letting go of the things I cannot control, I feel fear of the unknown and excitement as I take a moment to celebrate my few accomplishments so far. Starting this business began as a thought of wanting to be a portrait photographer. As I have unlearned and relearned over the years, I am proud to say that I am a full time wedding photographer, near the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, running my own business. My business is already something bigger than me and continues to grow as I stand in my power and embrace the direction I’m heading in, by following my heart to incorporate a self-love blog with photography. This goes into the meaning of the name Kindred Souls Artistry itself. Many forms of artistry will be expressed among this platform, all leading back to self-love. I am a firm believer in love starting within the self in order to be accepted by and received from others. Once one loves and understands thyself, one loves and understands all, and sharing this journey with my couples (because without them, being a wedding photographer would be tough), creating a self-care beauty line for brides and the wonderful people who have signed up for the email list and are following this journey, networking with some of the most amazing people I would have ever imagined working with in Virginia as well as other states, creating events within the Charlottesville and Richmond communities, for the communities, and so many more amazing things happening, is what brings me here today! I am getting out of my own way now to finally see what is beyond my control. I know if I’m proud of the things I am doing now, then once I begin to trust the process, myself and yes, my higher being, I am going to be unstoppable. This is the start for me, what is it for you? I’d love to hear in the comments below. If you’re not comfortable with leaving a comment, but you want to share, please feel free to send me a message on the contact page that goes directly to my email, or just shoot me an email dear@kindredsouls.art.

Lots of love,

Kailee Roberson

Kailee RobersonComment